- she/he/they
ASD/Anxiety - Adult - SFW - (un)certified 🪿
Activity fluctuates; works in life & on self; heavily against generative AI usage and just about anything to do with NFTs/Bitcoin mess
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Lately had to take a break off Tumblr for my mental health considering the state of distopian madness that seems to be going on in the States... It's been hard enough to write about it without going too much into colorful talk. It gotten too irritating to the point of getting a nasty headache so of course I had to take a step back for myself.
Not only that but just Internet culture and such that gets a bit too sensitive and I know fairly well that I don't need to poke that bear either.
With the anger skyrocketing I would think that it's enough to consider the drive to draw, but I also need to consider my mental health as well. The idea of drawing for a crowd? Not an issue anymore, but I still do worry for the lack thereof sometimes.
My main issue lies with the uprising of AI and how it seems to not want to be dropped as a fad... Even with the watermarks and AI poisoning, I still think some bored lurker would use my own works for the sake of training theirs just to be looked at as an "artist".
To me, calling yourself that when you just give it the idea - wouldn't that make you a prompter? Just a thought.
Hoping that instead of gaming and still feeling iffy I could just doodle and scribble my frustrations out. Gaming hasn't been just as enjoyable as it used to be it seemed...
So far, I really do like the site despite the usual quiet in activity... For the most part, I had gotten used to it everywhere else I'm on it's become a norm at this point. Most of my lack of activity is due to work. That's much as I can say without really going into personal details aside from that and just how messy it's starting to get.
I have also been dealing with major mental health issues as well which would account for why I don't post often... It just seems like I don't find my works adequate enough for viewing pleasure. Rewards and such are not an issue, I figured those would come on its own. Although sadly enough, I still feel like I don't deserve such attention there either. Most of my negative self reception is from all the experiences from my peers from highschool that still stick with me and drain my self value out of me.
In the same way, it kind of feels like how Patrick Star felt about wanting a reward but with the possible undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder sprinkled in. As in I want a reward to feel like I'm worthy but I don't because I know better than to think I deserve one... Kind of felt bad for using such an analogy.
I had started just drafting journals off hand and then when they're ready, I would end up copy and pasting them in. Mainly because of I could do that with DreamWidth (shameless self plug...) then I could always do it for every other place I want to do journals for.
I also want to say that I hope I had done the tag system right as that might of been the reason why maybe my works aren't getting much views. Likes and such, again I had just about as much luck with reach on my other socials so I had gotten really accustomed to it. Thought about tagging this with sensitive warning because it slightly goes into mental health in terms of negative self perception and such. If that's the case, let me know...