true strengthCayden. It was a simple name from a simple source. And yet, he still wasn’t used to hearing it, not even from within his own head and much less from other people. Nobody knew, of course, and he never expected them to call him as such. Yet. But it was becoming unbearable, holding on to such a painful secret. His mind was in a violent lurch, constantly going back and forth. He’d firmly tell himself today was the day and then not hours later, he would receive a painful, albeit unintended, reminder that in fact, his name was Kaylen and that it was likely going to stay that way. He had already failed to tell the person who meant the most to him before it was too late. Much too late in fact, his father had died nearly a year ago. Despite the fact that several months had passed, and he had celebrated his birthday without his family for the first time, it felt like it had been yesterday. The grief was always fresh in his mind, glaringly obvious and almost annoyingly persistent. His father’s death had left a gaping wound in his very soul. And even then, the fact that he had not told him hurt even more , somehow. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Erik take a seat across from him at the dining hall’s long, wooden table. He hadn’t touched his food or water, despite having been sitting for… how long, he wasn’t sure. He had lost track of the time. “Kaylen? Are you all right?” Erik cleared his throat and had his arms crossed on the table, looking at him expectantly. “You’re overthinking again, I can see it in your eyes.” He cringed internally at being referred to with his given name and shrugged halfheartedly. Praying that Erik couldn’t sense his anxiety or fear, he began absentmindedly picking at the food on his plate. “You can tell me anything, I swear by it,” Erik offered him a gentle smile. “I promised your father I would look after you and care for you and I intend to keep that promise.” Would you still care if you knew this isn’t the true me? “I’m… I’m fine, I swear. I just…” Shaking the ominous thoughts out of his head, he ran a hand through his long hair. “I miss him.” That at least wasn’t a whole lie, though it was definitely not the biggest reason he was upset. Erik furrowed his brows in sympathy and let out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry. I do say that quite a lot, but I am,” Erik shook his head, his loose braid bobbing around his shoulders. “You’re too young to experience this much loss.” Cayden nodded slowly. He really wasn’t sure if there was a good age to be experiencing heart wrenching grief for both the parents you had lost, but he figured eighteen was indeed, too young. His father had always told him of his battles and Cayden knew more than anyone that his job was not the safest or most secure. But Silas had taken his duty to his people and the community of Aldred very seriously and he had always admired that. If only I was that brave. “I suppose so. I don’t really know,” Cayden shook his head. “Everything hurts so much, Erik, I- Gods, I miss him so much…” “I miss him too. He was my best friend,” Erik reached out to Cayden and took one of his hands. “That’s why I need to look after you. I can’t ever replace him and I don’t want to but I want you to know I will always stand by you.” … Do I dare test the limits of that promise? “I need to go,” He felt a wave of anguish and fear come over him. Standing from his meal, he forced out a reason. Another lie, really, but what difference did it make? “I need to… Get some fresh air. It might help clear my head.” “All right, but do not go far and be careful if you enter the forest,” Erik thankfully didn’t question him. “We have not seen many signs of danger lately but still, I am in charge of protecting you and I take that very seriously.” He closed his eyes for a moment before dipping his head in thanks. He strode out of the hall slowly and almost robotically, his mind a blur. As soon as he was sure Erik couldn’t see where he was going, he broke into a run towards the forest. Vines and loose leaves whipped at his face as he sprinted down the path. Not caring if they would give him additional scars like the ones he already had on his nose, he kept running, deeper and deeper into the woods until the sun was barely visible through the thick trees. Tears streamed down his face as the weight of what he was about to do crept up on him. He briefly shut his eyes in anguish, narrowly missing a collision with a leaning branch. The path began to widen and the trees thinned out, until he was standing in the middle of a clearing lined by towering trees, with jagged green leaves. It appeared as though some unnatural magic had created a perfect circle in the middle of the forest and long grass swayed in the wind. The same trees where his last name had come from. The same place his father would always take him for one of his famously told stories of his heroic efforts. The same place his father was buried. He fell to his knees on the soft grass, at least thankful it wasn’t barren dirt or pebbles. Cayden clutched at his chest in a feeble attempt to ease the heartache and strained, quiet sobs escaped his throat. He could see it from where he was crouching and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with the gravesite. The pale white headstone was of course, silent, indifferent to his grief and tears. Cayden hadn’t been to the site since his father’s death and he was utterly unprepared for how much the reality of the situation would hurt. It felt like he was losing his father all over again. The tears kept coming and now, terrified whimpers were escaping him and he felt weak and pathetic. He wasn’t brave enough to tell his father who he really was, even when the man had been dying in front of him and he wondered if he could do it, even now, when he knew his father couldn’t hear him anyway. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told you. I’m sorry you never got to know who your daughter really is. I failed you, I should have told you, you should have heard the words from me, I should-” He stopped momentarily, his anxiety spiking. Even if he knew nobody could hear him, the fear was still embedded in his mind and he faltered. His eyes locked with the gravestone and he choked out another sob. “I’m sorry, father,” he steeled himself as he finally brought forth the truth he had tried so hard to bury for so long. “I’m sorry I never told you that you had a son. My name is Cayden, and I’m your son.” There. I said it. I finally said it… When nobody could hear me, of course. Gods, I’m a weakling, aren’t I? He was so busy crying and feeling sorry for himself that he didn’t hear the footsteps behind him. Cayden didn’t notice Erik striding towards him, his blue eyes sad and worried. A gentle tap to his shoulder nearly made him fall forward and he spun around, eyes wide. Oh no- He was at a loss for words. His green eyes were bloodshot and tears still covered his face, and at that moment, Cayden knew he probably looked like he had seen a ghost. He stared down at the ground, unable to make eye contact. “So that’s what you’ve been hiding all this time,” Erik sighed softly, frowning, but instead of anger or admonishment like Cayden expected, his voice was gentle. “I’m sorry you didn’t feel safe enough to tell me. But I won’t tell anyone, if you don’t want me to. Your secret is safe with me, I swear my life upon it.” He finally glanced up and stared at Erik, his mouth hanging open. Realisation struck him and before Erik could really protest, Cayden threw his arms around the blacksmith, more sobs escaping him. At least this time, these sobs were tears of joy. Of relief and elation and pure, undiluted happiness . He was grinning so hard his face began to ache and Erik returned the embrace with a few chuckles and a gentle, affectionate slap to his shoulder. “I’m sorry about earlier, Cayden,” Erik pulled back and smiled, shaking his head at himself for the earlier mistake. “There, that’s one thing I know I can do. Let me make up for lost time.” “Just… Not while anyone else is around, I suppose,” Cayden shrugged sheepishly. He knew he had more people to tell but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I must look like some weak fool who can’t be honest with-” “No. Not at all, do not dare say such a thing about yourself,” Erik shook his head. “You’re the bravest young man I’ve ever met, to be so honest with oneself… That takes true strength, Cayden.” A surge of euphoria ran through him at being referred to as a young man, and with his newly chosen name, and he quickly embraced the other again. “Just… Try not to go running into the forest again, all right? I need to keep you safe,” Erik laughed, rolling his eyes playfully. “At least not without telling anyone or without being armed.” “I understand,” he nodded firmly. “I may be brave as you said but I must not be stupid.” Erik nodded and stood, reaching a hand out to Cayden to help him to his feet. He put an arm around the other and grinned. Cayden realised he had brought a small bouquet of flowers, likely to leave at his father’s grave. They approached the site together, and Cayden took a deep breath as Erik leaned down to leave the tribute at the headstone. Erik squeezed his hand in reassurance and they stood in silence before turning away. As they strode to the path and began making their way back to Aldred, Cayden made a mental note to visit the clearing more often.trophygif