^noise of discontent

I've been kind of in a slump for a bit now... some of you know that I have a senior dog who has been struggling with dementia and being unclean inside for about a year now... or rather, had.* I had a dog.*

I made the decision to have Monobi put down last Friday. Originally the date was on last week's Monday, but I had visited friends on their farm a day prior, on Sunday, and he really came out of his depressed, sad state and really lived it up again, so I had taken the week before this one off to spend all week at the farm... so he could have a couple of last, really lovely days on planet Earth. And he did. I haven't seen him so content and happy in a while.

(this is from roughly 1 1/2 years ago, but yeah, that's about how happy he looked)

Broke my heart all the more when I kept the appointment at the end of the week anyway (because I know animals do the "death rally" thing as much as humans, and I didn't want to see him fall back into his depressed state, or even experience something as bad as organ failure (who knows how long the liver would have gotten strung along)) because when you see your animal friend get better you really question your decision afterwards.
But I think you'd do it regardless of whether you do it sooner or later. Something I have been reading over and over and over again when doing my research for when the time was right was "Better a week too early than a day too late"
I did several Quality of Life tests, and they were all pretty conclusive: he's suffering, his life isn't really great anymore. Do him the favor and let him go.

He was +14 1/2 years old.
Considering he was very sick when I got him way back when, I'm honestly somewhat surprised he lived for that long, especially because next to his bulkier, bigger sister he always seemed like the runt of the litter, with his spindly, boney sighthound-mix body.

Aside from the dementia and pretty much pissing and pooping wherever (most of the time he wouldn't even alert me anymore if he needed to go), he also had hip dysplasia (and had that since I got him, so when he was only like 7 or 8 months old and it had become very noticeable with progressive athropy plaguing him, too), arthritis, pancreatitis and an inflammed liver. He was on medication for all of it, but then came the growing seperation anxiety which also made it impossible to leave him home alone (I work a 9-5 office job). He got so anxious he first destroyed everything in his vicinity, then tried to chew through a wooden door and when I finally saw no other solution but to put him in the kennel for his safety and that of the apartment and whatever is inside it, he also broke out one of his teeth in attempts to escape it by trying to bite through the metal bars. Ouch. But that is how panicked he would become. Also the floor and his bedding was usually wet, not from pissing bc he wore a diaper, but from panting so hard and excessively.

What really sealed the deal for me was that a week before the farm adventure he was very apathic, seemed desinterested in walking for longer than 5 minutes, no playing, no zoomies, looking at me in agony and generally being depressed. I have always said when the day comes that my dog has more bad days than good ones, it's time.

I love him and miss him so much. I want to do something about him, a comic, or illustration, or something. Something to honor him and his companionship.

I've just been kind of in a slump for a bit now... and not been feeling much like drawing, not even when I'm on the clock. I mostly just idle. Life is hard sometimes, but we carry on...

Hug your animal friend today. Cherish them and do something for them, something with them, something they like.
Because you'll toil away day by day by day and suddenly they're old and at the end of their lifetime, and you'll wish you'd get more time with them.

And you remember all the adventures you had with them, all the stuff that made you laugh, the things that used to upset you but that seem so minuscle now, the hard days where they were by your side when you didn't even want to see any other human being, but gladly accepted their presence and companionship. And you think about the time you had to work, or chose to watch TV, or argue with a stranger on social media instead of interacting with them, and wished you would have spent all those hours with them instead.

Death really puts into perspective what is important to life.

Sorry this journal is a downer. I just wanted to give an update what's been going on and why I have been absent yet again.

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