- She/Her
Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What's important is the action. You don't have to wait to be confident. Just do it, and eventually the confidence will follow.
My, my... I have been so busy lately with commissions, I can't even have time for personal art or even doing my comic.
I'm not really complaining; I am grateful that I get some commissions at the very least because I get to buy some food for my pets. But I have been doing two commissions at the same time now, hoping that I finish things quickly.
Right now... I have slept only for 2 hours.
My whole family doesn't really like celebrating birthdays much, me as well. I don't know; I just felt like I got tired of it. When I was young, I was so excited for it, but when I got into adulthood, I just got too tired to even feel excited. I don't know. All I did was just play small games, just doing what I used to do. But of course my mom wants me to do something; it's my birthday after all. I decided to just get to eat pizza, buy drinks, snacks, and a chocolate cake, and watch horror movies. I don't really have friends. She gave me some money to replace my glasses because I accidentally crushed my glass frame and just told me to do whatever I wanted to do with the remaining money, like take a massage or facial. As someone who doesn't like going out, I'd rather spend them on my pet food; it's more useful.
For a few years I never had problems with finding clients. Sometimes I was overwhelmed by the numbers that were coming to me, but I never turned them down and worked on their commissions diligently every single day. It did lead me to have a burnout, but the rise of AI really did me and my work badly. I am not really a full-time artist, but I need an income monthly to help with internet bills and food for my pets. I still feel lucky because I am not renting or anything, but how about those full-time artists who have bills to pay?
Many of us artists are forced to lower our prices just to get clients; it is heartbreaking, and people act like that is good for us or even call us greedy or mock us to go out and get a real job and touch grass?
If they get replaced by AI, I wonder what they're going to say.
Sadly, I am not the only one being affected; all other artists are too, of all skills.
Hopefully this hardship won't take long, and things will go back to normal again once AI becomes too much for this world and art made by real artists becomes more valuable.
When i was a child i used to be so active, like jumping and running around and then climbing trees with other children, i liked being cool, and kids knew i was. That was when i was in my home country and then things changed when i was taken to europe to study, i was put to a classroom where i can't understand everyone at all, it made me uncomfortable. I was too naive and innocent i didn't understand what i feel, but i think, from my adult perspective now, i was too overwhelmed to the point I unknowingly keep those feelings for myself because I couldn't understand it or how i should deal with it, not knowing it will be the start of that looming loneliness that will persist to my late adulthood. My parents are kind but i don't see that they will be truly sincere of what i feel, like they are just gonna brush it off and tell me it's normal. I guess that's the reason why i can't really tell them anything much deeper.
Every Year i keep changing schools and homes and unable to have friends at all combine it with language barriers too, it's been like this for 4 years. When i came back to my home country, i have changed completely, from that happy child, to an anxious introverted child. During my elementary, high school, and college years, and even work, i am unable to open up or have friends. In my alone time i just spent drawing and drawing and being in the internet and people telling me that my art looks nice, makes me feel like there is someone out there who atleast acknowledge that i am here. But all those years i am already accustomed to this feelings to the point that i feel like i am okay with it, it became part of me. I indeed end up a lonely person but i refuse destroying myself, i'd rather cheer other people up and be nice at people, or even help them if i can because i am that person.
Hmm. I have been in here for some days, but I really don't know whether I want to stay here since I have been quite preoccupied with my other socials and commissions. I am an artist, and I do commissions and comics. I will be posting my stuff here little by little on this site. I'm honestly trying to find an art website where I can vent my frustrations here and there because, you know, I get frustrated and anxious. I usually don't like drama and avoid it, but it's kind of difficult to keep things in; I just want to say it. My other socials are purely made for art posting and nothing else. But here, I don't really think anyone would care; it's not really bad for me.