This is gonna be really rambly and long, there is topics I would've liked to talk about too (like how AI helped make my situation even worse), but I'm holding back on that in order to not write a whole novel.

I'm posting this in my smallest platform, this is futile haha, it's not gonna reach anyone. So I might link this in my other platforms if I ever feel like it.

Hello! If you knew me outside of Sheezy, you probably noticed my absence. Truth is, I had fallen out of love for my own work. And part of it was maybe improving, maybe realizing some poor stylistic choices from my part (four fingers did not look good in my style. What was I thinking), getting a full on job and wanting to move on but in retrospect, I believe it was mostly in part of how social media affected me psychologically.

I begun my art journey out of love for creating, but the more I expanded my presence online the more I felt like a toxic sort of self-imposed obligation to grow my numbers, that the amount of followers I had would dictate my chances in the industry, that if one of my artworks "flopped", no matter how much I personally liked it, I had to stick with what worked before. Usually that meant sticking to my "style" or self-made "brand", involving a lot of edges and eye stabbing color schemes, and while I do still love these things (I still have a hard time not making things sharp haha). Half the time I felt like I was doing it because it was what I thought the few followers I had wanted out of me.

This resulted in me posting only monthly, to maybe every 4 months, to just stopping all together. Some kind of executive dysfunction and depressive episode of sorts. Just a couple of months ago, I considered maybe just quitting and deleting that 'Marukuro' part out of my life. An alias that once made me feel like part of something that then turned into a cringe-inducing trigger word in my mind. All these characters I daydreamed about, that had an interconnected story I never shared with you because I doubted my creative writing skills, turning into a burden and a reminder of what I was supposed to strive for, and though I lied to myself about disconnecting from them, every now and then I can't help but be reminded of them every time certain songs come on lol.

Today, I have finally decided to look back on my art after a whole year with fresh modern eyes and realized that it wasn't as bad as I remembered. In fact, I'd say some of it aged pretty good, some are still "eh"s, but most of it is pretty nice, actually. It almost felt like looking at someone else's art. It's not perfect, I still see mistakes, but it's nice to look at. It's a cheap cake with a crooked candle melting onto the frosting, which has been fingered by someone and has a stray hair hidden within the bread, but it's still delicious to me and a few other people like it too, even if I was too stressed to really notice all the wonderful comments I've gotten through out my journey (Thanks!).

I have decided today, that no. I'm not quitting. BUT--
I'm not returning to normal either. I will be posting stuff that I posted after this site went down, and some artworks I just didn't post anywhere because I just hated my art that much. And every blue moon or so post something new, but only on this website. Probably not a smart decision. It has gone down before and if it goes down again so will my new stuff, but so be it. If that happens maybe I'll just move to Newgrounds again.

As for the slim chance any past mutuals pf mine could be reading this, I'm sorry if the little presence I had on your own journey was hollow, that maybe you didn't feel like I actually cared about your work or supporting you. I truly did and still do care about you, and though not in my account, I still check on some of you guys (that are still around) profiles to see how much you've changed and what you've been doing.
Reason I didn't interact with your stuff as much as I would've liked to is because these websites stressed the shit out of me so my routine was something along the lines of [ post art > like a couple of posts > get out of that stressful website > jump to next stressful website > repeat] + I've never been good at socializing or even communicating with people, even online. It's something I'm still trying to work on.
I'm happy to see how far many of you have gone in your journey, I might be a bit envious haha. Thanks for making me feel like I belonged in a community for a while :).

As I mentioned, I will be posting here and calling quits on the other websites as of now. Art Fight is gonna be on a limbo state of a BIG MASSIVE maybe. I have yet to be on a winning team and might give it another go just for that lol

Tl;dr: internet depressed me, started hating my art, I left, I realized my art is sick actually, I'm kind of not really back ✌️

ART DROPS TOMORROW OR no. Enough deadlines lol, I kept doing that to myself before, it's so dumb, I'm here for my self now!! I'll will begin posting said art whenever I feel ready to. Thanks for reading <3