I don't know?
every now and then I've thoughts of getting myself deconstructed,
reduced to symmetries and being understood .
.
.
.
I'm weird and that's fine by me , but I'm scared that I will never be able to connect.
every conversations I tried to strike ended up in awkward silence.
like shit.
making acquaintance by all means is challenging.
I'm scared of not able to be a functional member of society.
I don't know.
all I really wanted is to be pretty and be appreciated by anyone as a fellow individual in a society.
.
.
.
when I was younger , my grandparents would say I'm talented , as in intelligent.
you know damn well I ain't. see my name?
whether my arse being smart of not , being "appreciated" as a smartass sucks balls.
it's pretty much the same way students view Chat-GPT to me.
once you're out of your field you're reduced to NOTHING.
and it's kinda weird when I think about it... describing someone being smart as their "personality".
something's off.
what identifies smart?
regardless.
.
.
.
would you believe me if I claim that I've tried to be a decent human being?
I don't know!
I want to be a good person.