Legit can't stand the lineart style I tried few months back. Can't help that actually painting all on one layer is the only style that feels like me. It feels like lying to myself whenever I try another approach. I can't expect other artists to get what I mean because many people do lineart....its a philosophical/meaningful thing for me to work this way. That's all.

Still stuck in a cycle of knowing 'people' (anyone) can see the lack of quality in my paintings compared to my work before my 2020 accident. But I've essentially tried to run away from everyone who knew me prior to my accident, a grand feat of perpetual downright avoidance of not only social media but socialising........soo. I'm still stuck years later in a cycle of self-shaming for making lesser art, perpetually craving to paint 'well' but knowing this sucks. It doesn't help that most people think my art is 'good' but they don't really know what I've lived through. 'Accident' is a euphemism since 'mental health' has such a cruel stigma nobody wants to understand. So I just give in and choose to move on.

My beautiful bub however, is reminding me to just stop hating my own art. Need to draw from a place of purity and joy again. Somedays the pain of the past feels like its fading and I can breathe again, but overall my pursuit of perfectionism has caused such anguish, that's for sure.