Hi watchers! I was never very good at journalling but I think Ill do some here to show you all where Im at with everything. Im in the middle of a therapy course and were supposed to journal every week. Heres how I feel and whats happened this past week.

College Stuff

For the past few weeks Ive been learning about transactional analysis, which is a type of therapy. Its been really interesting because sometimes I feel confused by the way other people act, but this made everything so much clearer! Basically, most of it centers around the idea that we are made of three parts: the Parent, the Adult, and the Child. Its not quite like the Id, Ego, and Superego, and heres an article that explains it all.

This week my Parent has felt really pulled about. Ive been part of a friendship group and one member voted in the US election in a way that most of the others found really unsafe. Ive struggled with accepting it myself but decided to stick around. Im not sure why, and I think my Parent ego state has something to do with it. "Dont abandon people" maybe. What makes it hard is that I also have a Parent feeling of "Dont hurt people", which voting that way did. Ive noticed myself sticking with people before even when I could, and maybe should, walk away, and Im curious about it.

My Child ego state has been anxious. Its not so much that the group has almost completely disbanded, its more that a big argument happened near to me. Its not my argument so I dont really get a say in it, so Ive mostly tried to keep a low profile, but I still feel exposed anyway. I drew a picture today to help soothe myself, and I think it worked. It helped give me time to think everything Im writing now.

My Adult ego state has been helpful to me. Ive made sure to remember that my online life isnt all there is to life so i can walk away from the situation temporarily to destress, Ive made sure to eat, exercise, play (mostly by drawing) and rest, and to talk with my housemates about the situation. All of it helped, so Im grateful for my problem solving Adult ego state!

Ive also been using the Karpman Drama Triangle. You can use it to figure out whats happening when theres some drama going on if youre not sure whos saying what to who behind the scenes, or if lots of people are involved, and both is true about the drama in my friendship group. The Drama Triangle has 3 positions on it: the Persecutor, the Rescuer, and the Victim. Ive been getting drawn into Rescuing and I think thats why Im sticking around for the friend whose vote caused the drama.

Thats where the Drama Triangles counterpart, the Winners Triangle, comes in. Heres an article about both. So instead of Rescuing I need to keep in mind what my Responsibility is to each of my friends, and the truth is that I dont have much, especially as Im not sure if any one of my friends really needs much from me at the moment. Everyone involved is an adult as far as I know, and actually older than me, so from now on Ill work on not trying to Rescue, and just be here in case anyone in the group calls on me for help. (but I wont help if its a Rescue).

Home Stuff

Im also waiting to start a new job on Monday! Im very excited! Ill be working from home except on Fridays, and will be doing lots of spreadsheet based admin with a bit of database stuff. I dont know what to make of it yet because I havent started work, but Ill learn more on Monday.

Thats everything! Ill write more next week and I hope to have more friends on here by then!