On today's episode I yap about being in love.

The past few months have felt really big. In an overarching sense too, but also in a very personal sense.

I have been in a relationship with a very sweet man.
And he is fantastic!! In all sorts of ways. Most notably being the first person that genuinely seems happy to be with me.
Which really, is why I wasn't looking for him. Or for anyone, really, for years; Even when I didn't initiate a relationship, I had a long pattern of feeling like the only person trying to put work into it. Becomes draining after so many times, I must admit.
And as a result of it happening so repeatedly across different relationships, it still blows my mind that my current partner... Puts in the work. And does so consistently.

And well, it doesn't actually make the relationship easy. Or smooth. I could even argue things have never been this rocky. But things also have never been this healthy.
For better or worse, we are two different individuals, and things inevitably get tense from time to time. Especially because when they do.. We talk about it. And it sucks. It can be really painful and scary. But we talk about it. We figure out what wasn't working, and try to adjust, and to understand each other's side of the narrative... And so things get better, which is why we will inevitably get tense moments again. I guess it's what happens when you keep trying?

And I suppose my past self might see me say that and have a lot of doubt about this truly being healthy if we just "keep fighting over and over". And maybe someone reading this might as well. But no crisis is the same, and I know from what has now become a pattern that we are both going to try and improve at communicating and meeting each other's needs.

I find myself motivated to give him as much leeway as needed, because I know it's good for us both, just as I know he does that for me too.

So.. Yeah. We are a couple and we fight all the time. But we don't fight each other. We fight for each other.
And I'd say it makes a whole world of a difference when you learn to tell one thing from the other.