ignore the dismal sound of the title, but i think i do actually kind of have a point! walk with me.

i, as many users here probably do, miss the old internet. when everything felt less like a tiny time capsule next to the big shiny new (and architecturally unsound) skyscraper. when the 90s crawled into the early 00s and everything had that same fun feel. before Yahoo bought Geocities and promptly drove it into the ground. probably the very first example of what would become "enshittification", or platform decay.

it's truly what drew me in to Sheezy. i missed the old green schmeen DeviantART. when Wix acquired them... everyone began to disappear. more and more in droves with each update that didn't improve anything that was already there and worked perfectly well. because that's... kind of the point of platform decay. its sole purpose isn't to appease the common man, it's to maximize profits for the shareholders. the world wide web isn't a community anymore, it's a business-- and brother, you're the customer.

"the things that make us feel most human, are the least compatible with profit," is a quote that's recently stuck with me. and it makes me think of the act of boycotting. which is feasibly difficult under certain circumstances. take YouTube and Spotify for example. with recent introductions of AI platforms set to moderate your entire identity and violate your privacy, or to simply shill out uncreative shlop out of corporate frugality, so many users (including myself!) have felt like wild angry chimps trapped behind iron bars with our cold and unloving wire mothers. she who provides no sustenance or nourishment, regardless; with no alternative. no cloth mother to cling to in response.

so, what are the alternatives?

i don't know. to be honest. i've looked at so many. it's either a barren wasteland lacking in the content i'm personally interested in or it's stuck behind a subscription service paywall. i could try to rip into this topic so often, especially with my own friends who are making their own personal switches. i've personally been looking into getting another external CD drive since my last one was stolen (￣ヘ￣) (long story). physical media FTW! i just wish i could get my old MP3 player to work, grrr.

new laws in the world also aren't helping. i live in the EU and frequently use VPNs because i really, REALLY value my privacy on the 'net (and also like accessing a whole slew of things that may be not available to me). i don't like sharing much of my whole personal life because of that. the thought of having to input your whole ID onto anything is super scary and upsetting. even if it's just to access something as simple as a music sharing app. i really feel for my fellows in the UK with their "Online Safety Act", and those in the US regarding YouTube's recent decisions WRT age restrictions. doing anything "for the kids" is empty legislation, because it never is. (shouldn't the onus be on the parents to begin with?) it's to police your identity! full disclosure. as if our data just wasn't enough, now they want everything. your time, your attention, your data, your whole identity. all of it is something to profit off of, and better yet to have complete control over. because not only is the use of shame a good policing method, so is censorship; and these both go hand in hand. and also this is my weekly reminder: "degeneracy" is a Nazi dog-whistle, in case you didn't know. please don't use that word if you can help it. if you're going to be anti-censorship, yes, you are on the same side as the people you don't like, especially if it's based in moral arbitration. you have more in common with the regular person who enjoys 'dark romance' than you do with anyone who thinks porn itself is inherently the root of evil. also another reminder, subscribe to Sheezy if you can, i don't have the means to right now (trying to control my finances by not joining a lot of subscription services, easy for a lot of things if you're on the open seas as much as i am). not sponsored, but this really struck out to me when reading.

anyway, where was i? oh yeah.

[grandpa voice] i miss the old internet.

a lot of my friends and i tend to joke that yeah, it was kinda like the digital wild west (especially if you were on sites like DeviantART or Newgrounds). but least of all there was still... fun about it. or maybe that was just because i was a child for the most part, and the internet was often like a playground. but maybe... it still is! i mean, age doesn't limit you from a slide or a swing set! (maybe you are too tall for the monkey bars though.) but the point was you didn't have to reveal ANYTHING about yourself just to have that kind of fun. in fact, you were encouraged to be as anonymous as possible, because that was the most important shield you could carry. most often especially against bad actors. you didn't share your age, your legal name, etc. and even still to this day i am conditioned to remain as low profile and private as possible. regardless, circling back to my first point, i'm still actively seeking out ways to have fun again. recently got back into Neopets and also have been decentralizing from SO many social media platforms. i have a Bluesky and a Twitter, i probably have a lot more. i'm just not using them regularly or as much because WHAT'S the point.

the point ☝️ is to do whatever you want and have fun doing it.

regardless of clicks, or favorites, or views or whatever it is. i don't seek validation from my posts or artwork anymore. i'm doing it just because i want to, i'm doing it just for the sake of creating and enjoying the whole process of it. i'm doing it because two cakes is still more than one and just as delicious. with the caveat of doing social media for monetary gain, that's cool that's fine i get it. not sustainable but what is anymore on this bitch of an earth lol. no ethical consumption under surveillance capitalism etc. etc.

apathy is a disease, i think. it's the crawling seething darkness that is nihilism. if you don't care, if you don't do something for the betterment of your own happiness, if you sit and wallow in the stinking depressed miasma and allow it to fester and latch onto your loneliness like a grotesque abscess. if you think it's all for nothing, that there's simply no point.

then you're only contributing to the growing problem.

because while you may be not be happy, you're comfortable. and you subconsciously believe it's better being comfortable than it is to be happy. and unfortunately, that comfort will run dry. and you will be left with nothing. and i hope that's scary. because it is!

you're probably wondering, what the hell is this idiot doing. or something like that. yeah, this got really, really long, but i realized about partway through that i might as well just go full hog if it meant trying to successfully get my point across. i am the spiders georg of words. like, well they're there, might as well use 'em! nonetheless, i hope you've read this far, no sped up Subway Surfers alongside required. because this is the part where i really start hopepilled joymaxxing.

i look back at the quote i shared above earlier, that who we are as humans just does not fit into corporate boxes. we're not minimalist black and white and gray numbers in an endless scrolling algorithm. we're bright, colorful, and maximalist. we're loud and whimsical song-filled animals who are capable of endless kindness. behind these screens we're people who are full of so much thought and curiosity and creativity. and maybe i just sound batty, or stupid, but i don't care anymore. i'm more focused on just being authentic. i'd rather just be me, instead of categorizing myself into trends and fads; or into likes and views. i'm so, so tired of trying to minimize myself to appease people who couldn't even care to understand who i am as an individual, all of my thoughts and feelings that make up who i am. and in fear of trying to sound like that one guy, i am a messy human being, it's in our nature. we're gonna fuck up, we're gonna make mistakes, and really REALLY stupid ones too. the important part of that of course, is the guilt that comes along with it. and that's what matters, is your intentions. personally, i never intend to hurt or upset people. it's my least favorite thing to do ever. and i also like to think this about other people! including you... dear reader ❤️ and maybe this suddenly got too personal. erm. anyway. as i was saying,

i'd rather just create what makes me happy, and maybe... hopefully it makes someone else happy!

maybe you'll come across a piece of artwork that you like, and you can share how it makes you feel to the creator, and all of these endless bridges can begin to light up around you, because that's what made the internet so great back in its infancy, in my opinion. so many new avenues opened up, and humans-- social creatures as we are-- were connecting on so many levels never before seen. so much was possible. so many unique communities sprung up and sustained themselves-- until all the corporate greed took precedent. i hadn't mentioned the web revival movement, but it is worth bringing up here while i'm at it! neat little thing to check out, if you've got the time and/or interest.

as for myself? i'm trying to live by that. i am a woefully anxious person, socializing stresses me out and my battery is often naturally low. but i just love talking, having conversations, getting to know people can be so rewarding, and i miss it so bad. the folly of my youth where i wasn't so worried about what total strangers thought of me so much. i've also, desperately been trying to take back my attention. i too fell into the doom-scroll pit and it's like i can physically feel it degrading my root chakra. eugh. ironically using an app for focusing has helped to some degree, so i'm trying to kick this habit 🤞

gotta wrap this up at some point, so to kick off this whole spiel and be done with it, what i'm trying to say in the simplest terms is, try not to get so wrapped up in wondering if your art is "good enough", or comparing yourself to other artists, or doing anything creatively just for the validation, or even trying to follow some kind of algorithm for any of that at all. create something because it's fun and it makes you happy. create authentically! because the more you do that, the more fellow creators you find that you can create authentically alongside! a return to the internet before it was all algorithms and content farming, is a beautiful idea i want to help contribute to, because it was when i felt my best truthfully.

so i hope you can feel the same too! what's something you've done recently that's made you really happy?
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