- any!
Hi! As soon as I made this profile I realize I made the mistake of making my username the purpose of this account because now people would have trouble referring to me without my name upfront. Oops. For now till 4 weeks, simply refer to me as the character in my profile picture, Shijima! I'm 19 years old, and as for my gender, I don't have a clear view for myself, so refer to me as whatever for now.
I've made this account with the goal of simply writing about my life in here, and to write little bits of literature here and there. Drawing isn't my best suite at the moment but I do love writing! ^w^
I like the works of Tsukumizu (Girls' Last Tour and Shimeji Simulation), Yume Nikki and the equally dreamy fangame Yume 2kki, Pokemon, Roblox, and most importantly, reading literature! Especially classic works such as the Sherlock Holmes canon and H.P Lovecraft, etc.
My online activity is sporadic and few so I'm not active a lot of the time, but I'd don't mind a conversation .w.
"Okay, I've feel like I've done nothing inasmuch as use up the majority of this day scrolling. Must do something!"
goes back to scrolling
brain shuts off
"...damn it, I should do something!"
Alas, the cycle repeats. I would blame myself, butttt I think that is unproductive and just bad. I'd say, fuck the social media design.
I've gone on a really bad doomscrolling spree 2 days ago, spent on a WHOOPING 8 HOURS of screentime! That is so much hours on a day that I can't take back, holy shit.
Honestly, I don't know if it is actual neurodivergent dysfunction that I am experiencing right now (I've been meaning to get an actual diagnosis if this is true but responses from the psychologists are taking very long...), but perpetuating myself to this harmful inertia time and time again, I know there will be regrets later on purely on how I can't take time back.
My brains feels like it is always everting itself, pulled part by thought to thought to thought that I don't know what to do with the options of going through time. There are books and mangas to be read, Visual Studio to practice coding, movies and anime I want to watch, the instruments in my home waiting to be practiced on, friends for when I want to chat to, the damn story I've been sitting on for weeks... Not to mention having to fit in school work and chores to the roster of things-I-could-do-now.
There is always much to do, that just gets thrown away for TikTok, Facebook, and such.
This is why I wrote about being a snail!
As of this entry, the school schedule is very lenient for its amount of classes and hours on the week. With that, I've been staying up to until 12 AM everyday, playing Roblox. Me and my friend group have been at Dead Rails for a while (hence little activity and, with an admission of guilt, slacking off on writing...), wanting to finish a game but having a run ended through bad luck and ill-considered choices of raiding The Castle without any preparation.
Although it isn't a recommended habit, I love staying up late to the night because it in the hours of sleep where I am left to my own devices in the quiet and restful period of the day. No noise, and no chores to have to do. Just me and this laptop...
But this is part of the reasons why I love the night.
In the case of someone who lives in a greener area, there is the nocturnal stridulation of distant crickets, the chill breeze that rustle the trees, the sight of fireflies gathered under the leaves of trees, and occasionally, the Moon stealing from the sun's light, shining to my room as if to say hello. Then, when the clouds clear up, I can see the stars. I'm grateful to live in a seclusive neighborhood with little light pollution so that I am able to behold the sprinkles of space.
Writing this entry made me have a feeling of longing for staying up to the night just to feel it. I think I could do this right after this, as I feel like the habits of doomscrolling are starting to debilitate my senses and ability to feel, it sometimes just make me feel horrible depending on what information I numbingly received to an already overwhelmed brain. There is always a better time to spend than quick consumption.
Happy March, everyone!
My drive to make is a wavelength. It is at its peak for a week, then it comes crashing down. My mind would flare up while it scrambles for ideas and figure out the right way to write words and sequences to a story, only to come crashing down on the couch and binge The Pokemon Anime (Sun and Moon currently! My favorite character is Lana, her personality matches mine :3) all day.
Sometimes it all feels kind of, bleh. No..., and without outside initiatives, I just don't get the urge to do stuff on my own. I've put off my short story in this state, and it isn't even halfway done...
I think of myself as a snail that takes breaks. Although I wish to be a novelist, my habits don't show that... ,_,
I'd still try to work on what I put off, but maybe I'll just stick to poetry for now. Its easier to construct a fun poem than to construct a world built on raw words. Whenever I feel like this, I go back to my roots, where I'm most comfortable.
My creative process is obscured by many obstacles that hurt my focus, and while I feel bad for not being productive enough to write a lot of literature, the only other thing I take pride in, is that I've at least made something. Its a start!