- he/him
came back to literally exactly 69 notifications lmfao
thanks for the nice comments, i appreciate it! :D
earlier i was thinking about how i used to be really reticent to call myself "autistic" because i don't have super severe symptoms that are well-known (like really bad sensory issues that cause frequent meltdowns and etc. i can get overwhelmed in certain situations, but for the most part i don't have extreme sensory problems, just mild sensory problems or none at all), and my symptoms tend to be on the more abstract and harder to quantify side of things.
the other thing that kind of alienates me from the online autistic community is the focus on special interests as a main pillar of autistic identity. i feel like depression stole the huge variety of special interests i used to have from me and left me with, like, One, and it just feels like it's another thing that keeps me from fitting in and that sucks. did you know some autistic people don't have a single special interest? how must they feel about it.
but like it's just an undeniable fact. "why can't i breathe air and survive?" says the fish out of water, "it's not like i'm a fish or anything." <- how i sound being like "i can't be autistic because i don't conform to a stereotype."
brother you're flopping around and gasping and can't figure out why you can't breathe air, and every friend you've ever connected to on a really intimate level was a fucking fish or at least an aquatic mammal, or an amphibian, and for the life of you, walking on "legs" has been a concept invented on the moon for you your entire life. but no man. you're definitely 100% neurotypical, faking being A Weird Kid for online validation or whatever. cuz you wanna belong somewhere, cuz you've always felt like everywhere you ever tried to relate to other people was a sisyphean struggle always culminating in quitting and going back to being alone. <- wait but if you're just "Normal" and neurotypical, how come you feel that way?
when i was a kid, i got really confident in my ability to understand other people, because i felt like i was doing a really good job puzzling out normal social behavior. i was really proud of myself for figuring out the most basic types of social interactions and meanings and was like, "welp, guess i got this Being Human shit down-pat. haha, yes, due to my immense intelligence and observational ability!"
i bragged about how i could tell when people were lying to someone i was friends with as a teenager, because i was genuinely proud of all this like i was getting a good score on a test. it turns out the person i was bragging to was also autistic, was also playing the same "game" as me, and taking the same "tests," except he was way smarter than me and way better at the game than me, and he could see that i was an amateur and easy to fool. we connected deeply and we did genuinely really care about each other. i believe in my heart that he really did love me, and part of the reason he didn't manipulate me from the beginning was because of that. he didn't want to hurt me until he could justify it for himself by casting me as "deserving" of being hurt by doing something to hurt him first. it's strange to look back and realize that a lot of what he was doing was contriving situations for him to extract "bad behavior" out of me in order to justify how he would later treat me. because i had always been very kind, understanding, supportive and loving toward him. i cared a lot about him and it was obvious just in how i acted that i would never do some of the disgusting shit he later accused me of, but he needed to believe that i would do those things. he was deeply paranoid, didn't trust anyone, and assumed by default that people were two-faced and self-serving. i don't blame him for that, it's a natural defense mechanism to develop when you go through the kind of abuse he went through. but anyway, we were literally teenagers, this happened over a decade ago.
back to the original point: so when i started trying to figure out why i've always felt this immense alienation socially, not just from being treated like garbage for being fat, but for ..... Everything Else (if i'd always been thin, it wouldn't have changed this fundamental "difference" i seemed to have that made my interfacing with the world really fuckin difficult), the only thing i ever landed on was autism, but i felt like i COULDN'T be autistic because i didn't relate deeply to the really prominent things like i mentioned in the beginning. and that doubt still follows me around. but once again: why do i always relate to autistic people, why are all my friends who i relate to most autistic/ADHD, etc. etc.
anyway i think i'm starting to talk in circles. i was just thinking about this is and wanted to write it somewhere is all.
i'm going to read this later and be like "what the fuck is bro rambling about."
it's never been killed so bad ππ
this is my 7th year and i've never seen this before lmfao.
bro please. please. i just want to get to my bookmarks. i can't draw OCs if i can't look at them. i'll die.
https://artfight.net/~fairywren
i picked team seafoam. time to embrace my love of the ocean. i've been the space guy for like 15 years, time to change it up a little.
RULES:
Answer each question accurately and honestly. Skip anything you don't know.
original by smob
Art programs you have but don't use?
nope, i use all the ones i have.
Is it easier to draw someone facing left, right, or forward?
it's equally easy to draw facing left, right, or forward, but i default to facing left. i think this might have something to do with being right handed, but i don't know.
What ideas come from when you were little?
i've always liked animals. i like to draw them, regardless of being in the furry fandom, though i guess that was an inevitability.
Favorite character or subject that's a bitch to draw?
birds lol! but i get a lot of practice.
Estimate of how much of your art you post online VS. the art you keep for yourself?
i post almost everything. there is very little i keep to myself, but the stuff that i do keep to myself are usually WIPs.
Anything that might inspire you subconsciously? (e.g. This horse wasn't meant to look like The Last Unicorn but I see it.)
probably literally everything i look at that i enjoy. the manga i read probably has the strongest impact.
A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate?
architecture. i love the art of building practical spaces like houses and whatnot, and i spend a lot of time watching minecraft youtubers for this reason (though obviously i am referring to real life architecture as well). but i have zero interest in it, myself.
What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in?
pretty much all of them except the one i'm doing right now.
Favorite piece of clothing to draw?
i actually really dislike drawing clothing in general. and i prefer drawing "ferals," so it works out.
Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what?
yeah, my music.
Easiest part of body to draw?
well, the whole body is easy to draw, pretty much, but the hardest part to draw is the arms, for me. the muscles there are so specific, and it's really, REALLY easy to make them look just slightly off without being able to figure out what's wrong. it's also really hard to draw feet right.
A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing?
uhhhhhhhh the only thing i can think of is a few artists i've found who are incredibly skilled but only draw niche porn that i'm not into lol.
Any favorite motifs?
black and white color palettes.
Where do you draw? (Don't drop your IP address, this just means do you doodle at a park or something?)
at the living room table, and at the park. i loooooove drawing at the park.
Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing?
i'm pretty good with colored pencils, but it's hard to have fun with them. takes a long time and requires a lot of patience. there's a stage where it really looks like shit and you just have to trust it'll keep working the way you know it will if you spend enough time, but you have to get over that hump.... ugh. but it can be fun sometimes if i make the process easier or don't do the really intensive version of it.
Do you eat/drink when drawing? If so, what?
when i'm at the park, my lunch. when i'm at home, i just like to have coffee or iced tea.
Favorite inanimate objects to draw? (e.g. Food, nature.)
trees, flowers, and bushes.
Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy?
yeah i'm a hands guy. they're not only easy for me to draw, but really enjoyable. hands are one of those things i love to spend time looking at, so it didn't take very long for me to get used to drawing them.
Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways?
all of them! i love every art style.
What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any?
i've been trying to do wrist stretches more often. my wrist is going to hell and i really hate it.
Do you use different layer modes?
sure, sometimes. normal, multiply, uh i think it's called color burn? for the more intense shading. overlay, and shine. etc. i don't know what the layer modes are called in PS and CSP cuz i mostly use SAI 2.
Do your references include stock images?
yeah. stock images, google images, stuff i've downloaded, etc. i've got a massive fuckhuge collection of references.
Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by?
i know this has happened to me once or twice, but that's it. i don't remember because i was quite literally only once or twice.
What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended?
sometimes i post personal comics without context and because i never know if the way i think will translate, it happens that sometimes people will get a completely different reading from it than what i meant. it's really difficult for me to know when this is going to happen.
Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with?
nope. i jump right in. i've never needed to warm up.
Any art events you have participated in the past? (e.g. Zines.)
you mean like real life stuff? not really. i do art fight every year though.
Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically?
books, i suppose.
What piece of yours do you think is underrated?
i'm grateful for any attention i receive. sometimes i work hard on something and it doesn't get much attention, but that is okay.