this is something i need to get off my chest.

i've been feeling like the root of why i am so jealous and haved viewed a lot of artists on here and newgrounds as "so much better than me and i will never improve" is because i crave attention.

it doesn't mean that i would do a stupid trend and start drama just so i can get attention. i would never do that. i just feel an intense craving for attention and being noticed. although i know my artwork has intense soul and passion, i want people to see my talent and to be somewhat popular. not to get influencer type fame, but just to be noticed and seen. i also have this with my artstyle, hobbies, aesthetics and music. i think its rooted in childhood trauma that hasn't been resolved.

i also feel it's cus of my laziness and lack of commitment, which makes it hard to keep doing new things to be more talented.

ik its a problem, and i need to stop it. especially since i've had internal glorification of certain groups for their talent, despite not actually glorifying them. i just dont know how.

thanks for reading.