trophyLeft in The Dust (May 2024)It had been a long day for Epsilon. Week? Month? He had lost track. He had been out on the battlefield for so long, The amount of time that passed didn’t matter to him anymore. All that really mattered was that he was back at home. He knocked on the door to the fodderhouse, Trying to muster a grin as an older Grox opened the door for him, Ushering him in. The Grox stared at him with narrowed eyes, A look he was used to. Other grox often remarked that his smile was unsightly and threatening. He didn’t understand why. Wasn’t a smile friendly? Isn’t that what you were supposed to do? He didn’t care at this point.He stepped inside. Out of all the Grox sat around the building, None ran up to greet him or let out a friendly trill, None bothered to even do so much as look at him. It was something he was accustomed to at this point. He pretended it didn’t bother him much- But deep down, It did. It really did.Epsilon continued to walk throughout the fodderhouse, Staring at his feet the entire time. Every day he came back here, It seemed to take him ages to find his dorm. There were so many. So many fellow Grox his age kept in tiny, glorified prison cells, Hundreds of them, Even. After what felt like hours, He finally found his own- A large plate hung above it, Reading “152”. It wasn’t much, But it was the closest thing he had to a home- Or had ever had.He removed his gear, Starting with his vest and ending with his visor, Before flopping onto his creaky, cheap, piece-of-crap excuse of a bed. He just needed to think for a moment. The screams of his victims echoed fresh in his head, As if they were happening just now. The sounds of gunfire, The sound of blaring alarms, The sound of bombs being set alight. In the moment, He felt nothing but bloodlust and triumph as he mercilessly blew their brains out.Now all he felt was empty.This wasn’t the first time he had done these things, Either. He didn’t care to keep track anymore, But he had taken at least a hundred lives within the span of his short life. Epsilon felt as if he was observing himself in the third person, As if nothing was real and that this was all a dream. He hoped everything he had done in that time was a dream. As good as it felt in the moment, He would always end up questioning It the moment he got back to his dorm.As his mind drifted, He wondered if he was doing the right thing by taking all of those lives. He was taught it was for the good of the empire, yes, but was the empire really good in the first place? No, No… He shouldn’t be questioning that. If the director of the fodderhouse heard him say that out loud, he would be kicked out on the spot and recycled into biofuel. He would rather go out fighting than die a traitor. These thoughts were all so stupid! How could he ever question the empire like that? How dare he?Beginning to come back to his senses, Epsilon sat up. He could use a good smoke after all of this. Maybe he’d ask his girlfriend to go smoke with him in one of the nearby bathhouses, He thought. Just her and him, Alone together. It sounded nice to him. She was all he really had, Everyone else treated him either like he was invisible or like he was a burden to them, So her company meant everything to him. Epsilon wondered if she was even on-planet or if she had left on a mission like he had. There were days she just didn’t seem to be there, Where she’d say she’d meet with him but wouldn’t show up. Was she doing that on purpose? Was she intentionally ditching him, Leaving him in the dust, Just like that? He didn’t want to believe it, He really didn’t. But it was starting to feel that way. He didn’t care, Though. He loved her more than anything, And she was the only person who gave even a bit of a shit about him. He didn’t want to lose her. Epsilon grabbed a can that had been sitting on top of a cardboard box he had been using as a makeshift nightstand, Hoping this one wasn’t empty. Shaking the can to check how full it was, It seems today was his lucky day! It was fresh! Or… As fresh as a can of shitty chemical-flavored soft drink that’s been sitting in the sweltering heat of Zuvius-9’s two suns could be.Using his claws, He haphazardly opened the can, Scratching his finger on the metal in the process. A small bit of purple blood seeped from the wound, Some of it dripping onto the can. Epsilon didn’t care though. At least he had something to drink.He guzzled the awful concoction. It was a vibrant purple color and tasted overwhelmingly of artificial purple spice flavoring. This was his favorite flavor… Although it’s usually better when it’s fresh and hasn’t been out in the sun for a week. It burnt slightly as it went down, Having a tangy, Almost acidic quality to it. He couldn’t believe how fast he had drank it. That would probably be the last one he’d have for a while, He was fresh out of money and needed to wait until he was paid for his services in the military. It sucked, But he could always beg his girlfriend for some more if he was desperate… If that’d even work.Epsilon held the empty can in his paws for a while, Still bleeding. He watched as tiny creatures scuttled around on his floor, Feeding on the countless remains of crumpled cans and plastic wrappings he had discarded. These were cleaner roaches, Creatures that had been meticulously genetically engineered by The Grox to feed off of trash. They would infest fodderhouses sometimes, And were actually quite nice to have around. They took care of his trash for him, He didn’t need to bother to leave and take care of it himself. The only problem was that if the fodderhouse’s director found out, They would be exterminated, So he had to keep them a secret. He tossed the can in the direction of the roaches, And watched as they all clustered around the piece of fresh “food”, Their sensitive whiskers brushing against the dull metal surface of the can.Roaches were cute creatures, even to Epsilon, But he guessed he sympathized with them because they were both in similar positions- At the bottom of the food chain, Albeit metaphorical in his case. Actually, He’d rather be a tiny creature spending its days consuming trash and nothing more, Not burdened with the capacity to feel anything more complex than satisfaction from a good meal. At least the roaches weren’t burdened by the fact they would die one day. They would spend their short lives just eating, and eating, and eating, without thinking once about their own mortality.He watched as one of them stuck its little head into the small opening of the can, Lapping up what little of the drink remained. He couldn’t just sit here and watch them forever, Unfortunately… He had things he needed to do. But watching the little guys eat garbage was all he really had in terms of entertainment. He figured it was finally time to get off his ass and look for his girlfriend. Before he was going to leave, Though, He had to make sure he looked nice. He opened the large drawer under his bed, Revealing many shoddily-put-together articles of clothing made from scrap materials he had collected from dumpsters and on missions. He figured he’d go for something casual this time around- A black tank top with an “E” shoddily spray-painted on. It wasn’t much to look at, But it was his favorite. He had painted it himself, Unfortunately managing to write it backwards, But he didn’t care.He slipped it on, Also taking out a pair of gray shorts and a handmade choker with spikes fashioned from scrap metal. Other Grox didn’t particularly like his fashion sense all that much- But it was something that brought him a lot of comfort. When you’re a fodder soldier, You don’t really get much in terms of identity. You aren’t a person, Simply a part of a collective. Epsilon wasn’t really happy with his position, He wanted to be his own person. It got him a lot of looks, But it made him happy and that’s all that mattered to him. Finally, Epsilon got out of his bed, Stepping out of his dorm and back into the long hallway. Within a few minutes he was out the door of the fodderhouse, Stepping onto the hot path and making his way through the streets of Zelur. Where he lived was the very definition of a Slum, The vast majority of Grox living In shelters much like he did or shitty, poorly-built apartment buildings.He passed by many fellow Grox. Some of them looked recently injured, Others scarred and worn from battle. It was a common sight, Especially within the slums of Zelur. Trash was piled up in the back-alleys of the many apartment buildings, ravenous roaches climbing all over picking through every scrap they could find. Even though he had lived here throughout his entire adolescence, He had never felt welcome. So many fellow Grox his age and yet none paid him any attention, Only ever snapping at him when they did something he perceived as wrong. It frustrated him how other Grox seemed to make friends so easily. Why couldn’t he? What was wrong with him?As he continued walking through Zelur for what seemed like an eternity, He finally came across the town square. Several Grox were gathered there, Mostly adolescents like himself. Despite his damaged whiskers, The smell of smoke and groxnip still permeated throughout the area. That combined with the loud chattering of all of the other Grox was making him feel lightheaded. Out of the crowd, He spotted her- Rho! She was a rather unique looking Grox, With pale liver-colored fur and a partially hairless face. What especially stood out about her though were her eyes. They were particularly bright and piercing, A stare from her felt as if a thousand knives had plunged themselves into your chest. She was tall, Sporting a short, Partially-shaven mane that had been cut as to not get in the way while she was in battle. Small scars covered her body from countless injuries she had sustained. Another feature of her’s that was especially striking was her arm- It had been fully replaced by a high-quality prosthetic. Epsilon had always wondered how she got the money for something so high quality, It’s not like she was in any better of a situation than he was.Rho was older than Epsilon by quite a few years- Not quite an adult yet, But not as young as he was. She was far more experienced than him, Having seen far more on the battlefield than he ever had- And likely ever will. She wasn’t the prettiest Grox by any means- But she still meant a lot to him.Epsilon waved, Trying to get her attention, But she seemed distracted by something. There were other Grox with her. Epsilon inched closer. “RHO! HI RHO! IT’S ME! I’M HERE!” No response. “RHOOOO! HIIII!” Still nothing.Epsilon perked his ears, Curious as to what was keeping her so distracted. “And I killed ‘em!” Rho let out a chuckle. “I killed that worthless meatbag! Ripped its pathetic little throat out and let it bleed to death, Just as it deserved!” The rest of the Grox with her laughed. “Did you bring back anything?” A reddish-brown drone replied.Rho pulled something out, And the crowd around her gasped. Epsilon cocked his head, Attempting to figure out what it was she was holding. He could just barely make it out, But it appeared to be some sort of helmet, Still stained with golden-yellow blood. “NO WAY! That’s so cool!” A small Gamergate replied.“It was from a Xolian captain! Well… Not anymore. It’s mine now.” Rho gloated. “I think I’ll mount it up on my wall with all the others… It’ll look nice up there, Won’t it?”“YEAH, I FUCKING BET!” Another drone replied. “I wish I had a wall of trophies like you did!”“Eh, Who knows, Maybe with time you’ll be as great as me someday.” Rho said. Epsilon continued waving frantically.“RHOOOOOOOOO! HIII! IT’S ME! EPSILON! I’M HERE!” Rho turned back for a second, her gaze piercing as ever. Then she looked back to the group of Grox she was conversing with.“Hold on, Someone’s here.”She stormed over to Epsilon, Towering over him. Epsilon wasn’t particularly short for a Grox by any means, A bit scrawny, yes, but not short. Rho, Compared to him, Was huge. She looked… Oddly disappointed to see him. She let out a sigh. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Epsilon shrank a bit. He thought that she would be happier to see him. “Uhhh… HI! I just got back from that trip I said I was being sent on! I… Uhh… Thought you’d be a bit happier to see me? We said we’d go out and… Like… Hang out after all of that was over with. So I thought I’d come over here to see you!” Rho stared at him for a moment, As if he had grown a second head. Her expression suddenly softened.“Oooh, That’s right!!” She sneered. “I have some Groxnip with me. Do you wanna go over to the bathhouse?”Epsilon nodded, Tail wagging. “Yesyesyesyes!!”“C’mere, You.” She grabbed Epsilon’s arm. He jumped a bit. He never really liked how forceful Rho was with him, But he always pushed those feelings to the side. Any attention at all was better than no attention.Rho looked back over to the group she was chatting with, Still tightly grasping Epsilon’s arm. The group stared at her, Eyes narrowed.“I’ve got places I need to be. I’ll be back for you all in due time.”“With him?” Another gamergate replied, Her ears pinned. “Isn’t he… Y’know?”“He’s my boyfriend.” Rho hissed. “Why I chose him is none of your fucking business.”“...Okay then” She sheepishly replied, Stepping back a bit. “Well… You two go do your thing then.”The other Grox stepped back as well. It was a small group- 3 drones, 2 gamergates. Epsilon figured these were Rho’s friends. He had never met them before, And it seemed like they had never even heard about him. He wasn’t really all that surprised by that.Rho stormed off, Still firmly holding onto Epsilon’s arm. He struggled to keep up, Her claws digging slightly into his skin.“LET GO OF ME!”Rho stopped, Giving Epsilon a menacing glare. “Fine.”She let go. Epsilon was bleeding slightly, But it didn’t really hurt all that much. It wasn’t the pain that was bothering him. “Don’t make this difficult, Please.”“I won’t.” Epsilon replied. “I just want to relax after… Y’know… All of that.”“I understand. You still seem pretty shellshocked. You need to toughen up.”Toughen up? But he already WAS tough! He mowed through those interlopers like they were NOTHING! It didn’t bother him at all! He just needed a nice break is all! Epsilon let out a soft grunt, Looking down at the ground. Can’t he have a break every once in a while without being accused of being weak?“HEY!” She blurted out with a single clap. “Remember. Eye contact.”He jumped a bit, Letting out a growl and baring his teeth. “DON’T ORDER ME AROUND! YOU’RE NOT MY MENTOR!” Epsilon’s gaze shifted back over to Rho, Who was tapping her foot on the ground.“See? This is why nobody wants to fucking talk to you!”Epsilon hissed. “Leave me ALONE! We were just going to have a good time, REMEMBER? I don’t want to deal with your bullshit.”Rho rolled her eyes. “Fine. Be obedient and I won’t yell at you.”Epsilon straightened his posture, Walking ahead of Rho. She followed closely behind him. The two Grox continued walking throughout Zelur’s streets. There wasn’t really much notable Epsilon saw. Just the same apartment buildings and run-down general stores that he was so used to seeing already. Epsilon knew his way around town like the back of his hand, He had been down this route countless times. Before long, They had arrived at the bathhouse. This was a spot the two of them frequented to smoke and dustbathe together. It was public, So they frequently had others who would stare at them, But they didn’t mind all that much. The time they spent together meant everything to Epsilon. Epsilon held the door open for Rho before walking in. As expected, The place was rather packed, And the pungent smell of Groxnip once again filled the air. A ton of grox were seen clustered towards the entrance, Leaning against walls and chatting with eachother. Him and Rho were going to go into one of the private rooms for a dustbath, Walking through the halls lined with what felt like hundreds of doors, But was likely only about 20. Rho stopped at one of the doors, Opening it and letting the two of them in. Inside was a small room with a large metal tub attached to the side, Filled with a fine red dust as well as a liquid shower. Epsilon took his shirt off, As dustbathing with clothes on isn’t necessarily the best idea.Dustbathing wasn’t really something exclusively romantic- Grox enjoyed dustbathing with friends, Too. It was intimate and enjoyable for everyone, Which is why he enjoyed doing it with Rho so much. Rho took a pack of groxnip joints and a lighter out of her pocket, As Epsilon dove into the dustbath. He needed one, Anyways. It had been months since he last properly took care of himself. Rho would constantly pester him about it, Telling him how bad he smelt and how since his mane is so long, He should take better care of it. But the more she pestered him, The less motivated he felt.He rolled around in the dust as Rho smoked one of the joints, Running his fingers through his long mane.“So.” Rho inquired. “How was your time off-planet?”Epsilon sat up. “Eh, Nothin’ special, Really. Just… The usual.”“Oh really?” Rho turned her head towards Epsilon, Staring down at him. “Did you bring anything back for me?”“No.” Epsilon shrank a bit, His ears hanging low. “I had to keep everything I found for myself. I… Don’t really have much. You know this.”“Lame.”“Look, It’s not my fucking fault that I hardly get paid for this shit.” Epsilon growled.Rho laughed. “You’re funny, Y’know that?”“It’s not funny, I’m being serious here.” Epsilon continued rolling around in the dust, Shaking himself off.“It’s impossible to tell with you. You never take anything seriously.” Rho’s gaze shifted away from Epsilon as she tapped her arm impatiently.“Look… Do you just… Wanna come in… With me?” Epsilon leaned forward, Peering over the edge of the tub and looking over at Rho.“I would’ve if I didn’t take a dustbath yesterday.” She said. “Should’ve come home earlier.”“Can I… At least have one of… Those?” He gestured towards the pack Rho was smoking. He was already feeling a bit inebriated from the second-hand smoke… A little more couldn’t hurt.“Sure thing.” Rho lit a joint, Passing it over to him. He grabbed it, Inhaling sharply before breathing it out. Epsilon felt a wave of calm wash over him, Before letting out a tiny cough.It felt like all of his worries were melting away in that moment. He knew this was bad for him, Yes. But he thought about it more. He could be doing far worse to himself. He has DONE far worse to himself.Rho had finished hers, Chucking the remaining roach into the dust pit at Epsilon. He flinched a bit.“Hey! Why the fuck did you do that?” Epsilon squawked. Rho just laughed. Epsilon’s eyes narrowed. Was she making fun of him? Was this just friendly teasing? He genuinely couldn’t tell.Rho remained silent.“Genuinely, What the fuck was that FOR?” “That was for not bringing me anything back.” Rho replied, Her voice laced with malice. Epsilon let out a hiss. “I ALREADY TOLD YOU! I couldn’t have brought anything back, I NEED TO KEEP THINGS FOR MYSELF OR ELSE I’LL HAVE FUCK-ALL!”“Maybe you wouldn’t be struggling so bad if you actually gave it your all on the battlefield.” Rho said. “As I said before, You never take anything seriously. That goes for battle too. I’ve seen how you do it.”“THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN???” He yelled.“You know exactly what I mean.” Rho climbed into the dust bath with Epsilon and began to stroke his mane. This made him feel… Tense. What was meant to be a gesture of affection just felt distinctly off to him, Like it wasn’t sincere.“Look. You need to become more loyal to the Empire. I’ve seen you slacking.” She said. “I know deep down you don’t enjoy this, And that’s a sign of weakness.” She quit stroking his mane and leaned in, Almost brushing his face with her half-burnt whiskers. Epsilon leaned back in response, Eyes wide and muscles stiff.“BACK OFF!” Epsilon belted out, As loud as he could. Rho didn’t listen.“The reason you don’t have friends is because you’re weak. You speak such big words for someone so pathetic. I pity you, Really. That’s why I’ve taken you under my wing. I want to see you get stronger.”Rho cupped Epsilon’s face in her hands, An advance Epsilon quickly abjured, Lightly slapping her.“Stop treating me like I’m a GODDAMNED PUPA! You always do this, All of this talk about making me stronger when I’m ALREADY FINE AS I AM! I’ve got BLOOD ON MY HANDS, DAMNIT! I COULD RIP YOUR FUCKING THROAT OUT IF I WANTED TO!” The high from the Groxnip had made Epsilon feel a lot more… Irritable. Even moreso than normal.“I’d like to see you fucking try, Darling.” She waggled her finger in front of his face, Before playfully booping him on the nose. He shoved her back into the dust.“Good one.” She snickered, Rising back up. “Next time try being less of a pussy.”Rho got of the tub, Shaking the dust off of herself. “I love you.” She said. “I love you too.” He replied. Rho left the room. Epsilon was left in the dust. Alone with his thoughts.