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^noise of discontent
I've been kind of in a slump for a bit now... some of you know that I have a senior dog who has been struggling with dementia and being unclean inside for about a year now... or rather, had.* I had a dog.*
I made the decision to have Monobi put down last Friday. Originally the date was on last week's Monday, but I had visited friends on their farm a day prior, on Sunday, and he really came out of his depressed, sad state and really lived it up again, so I had taken the week before this one off to spend all week at the farm... so he could have a couple of last, really lovely days on planet Earth. And he did. I haven't seen him so content and happy in a while.
(this is from roughly 1 1/2 years ago, but yeah, that's about how happy he looked)
Broke my heart all the more when I kept the appointment at the end of the week anyway (because I know animals do the "death rally" thing as much as humans, and I didn't want to see him fall back into his depressed state, or even experience something as bad as organ failure (who knows how long the liver would have gotten strung along)) because when you see your animal friend get better you really question your decision afterwards.
But I think you'd do it regardless of whether you do it sooner or later. Something I have been reading over and over and over again when doing my research for when the time was right was "Better a week too early than a day too late"
I did several Quality of Life tests, and they were all pretty conclusive: he's suffering, his life isn't really great anymore. Do him the favor and let him go.
He was +14 1/2 years old.
Considering he was very sick when I got him way back when, I'm honestly somewhat surprised he lived for that long, especially because next to his bulkier, bigger sister he always seemed like the runt of the litter, with his spindly, boney sighthound-mix body.
Aside from the dementia and pretty much pissing and pooping wherever (most of the time he wouldn't even alert me anymore if he needed to go), he also had hip dysplasia (and had that since I got him, so when he was only like 7 or 8 months old and it had become very noticeable with progressive athropy plaguing him, too), arthritis, pancreatitis and an inflammed liver. He was on medication for all of it, but then came the growing seperation anxiety which also made it impossible to leave him home alone (I work a 9-5 office job). He got so anxious he first destroyed everything in his vicinity, then tried to chew through a wooden door and when I finally saw no other solution but to put him in the kennel for his safety and that of the apartment and whatever is inside it, he also broke out one of his teeth in attempts to escape it by trying to bite through the metal bars. Ouch. But that is how panicked he would become. Also the floor and his bedding was usually wet, not from pissing bc he wore a diaper, but from panting so hard and excessively.
What really sealed the deal for me was that a week before the farm adventure he was very apathic, seemed desinterested in walking for longer than 5 minutes, no playing, no zoomies, looking at me in agony and generally being depressed. I have always said when the day comes that my dog has more bad days than good ones, it's time.
I love him and miss him so much. I want to do something about him, a comic, or illustration, or something. Something to honor him and his companionship.
I've just been kind of in a slump for a bit now... and not been feeling much like drawing, not even when I'm on the clock. I mostly just idle. Life is hard sometimes, but we carry on...
Hug your animal friend today. Cherish them and do something for them, something with them, something they like.
Because you'll toil away day by day by day and suddenly they're old and at the end of their lifetime, and you'll wish you'd get more time with them.
And you remember all the adventures you had with them, all the stuff that made you laugh, the things that used to upset you but that seem so minuscle now, the hard days where they were by your side when you didn't even want to see any other human being, but gladly accepted their presence and companionship. And you think about the time you had to work, or chose to watch TV, or argue with a stranger on social media instead of interacting with them, and wished you would have spent all those hours with them instead.
Death really puts into perspective what is important to life.
Sorry this journal is a downer. I just wanted to give an update what's been going on and why I have been absent yet again.
Ahh thank you so much for the Spotlight Award x 2 @ Sheezy Staff 🙏
I missed the day Natural Habitat was featured in the corner galleries (but of course had the notification pop up in my inbox) bc life has been so busy lately and I haven't been around that much on here, but I came online today to see that Going Home was also featured!
I feel really appreciated, you guys!! Plus I'm rly happy how these two pieces in particular turned out, so that makes the feature extra sweet to me! :D
So yeah, thank you, again and again!! ✨
I put a lot of old designs for offer on Toyhouse.
I'm mainly looking for money and/or art, but I have no idea about pricing, as usual.
Might do character swaps but I am picky about them bc I already have a ton of characters lol.
If you see anything you like, make me and offer and we'll work something out from there?
So I decided to make an effort to be around here more often again after weeks (months?) of absence.
I'm the kind of person who's just really bad at splitting her attention between different venues, and at the moment I enjoy hanging around Bluesky and Toyhouse the most.
I just had to purge my entire submissions inbox bc there is no way I'll be going through +1000 images to catch up, especially not with how slow Sheezy still is. I know I probably missed a lot of pretty art but it can't be helped, I can't look at the huge number and not fold mentally like a lawn chair and stay away indefinitely as a result of how overwhelming the prospect of going though all of them is for me, so the entire chunk had to go.
I'll try to look at and comment on art more regularly again, so hopefully I'll never have to look at a backlog like that again lol
Art Fight is also over now, so I'll return to drawing my regular guys, I guess.
I wished I would have had more time to do more Art Fight pieces, but some of the works I did this year were a bit ambitious, and also my day job and other stuff like Being Born Female And Thus Having To Suffer Once A Month bc Of Stupid Ass Bullshit Biology got in the way as well.
Maybe next year I'll do quicker arts that aren't so scenic, because neither did I get all revenges done in time, not did I get to draw pretty much any of the characters I had bookmarked. Aw. I really wanted to do some aeromorph pieces but yeah, ran out of time.
Plus** I have to take care of my senior dog now**, which is a demanding job bc I have to monitor him all the time, lest he pisses or poops inside the house where he stands. I had to pick up more poop and wipe away more piss in the span of last year now than I have had to my entire life with all of the animals I had up to this point of my life included, so that's saying something. I wished I was kidding, but it's a daily occurence now, and a nightly one as well, so on top of everything sleep cycle gets interrupted every night by my dog's mishaps.
Everyone talks about how much work puppies are, but I feel like nothing and nobody prepares you for a senior dog in physical and mental decline.
I love him and I want him to be by my side for as long as possible (basically for as long as life is still joyful to him, which currently it still is despite obvious drawbacks like growing joint pains and disgestive issues), but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't taxing and exhausting to the point where a more selfish part of me is looking forward to a time in the future where I my life will be more my own again. Nevermind the financial drain; we're getting blood work done almost every month to monitor his values since he has been dealing with pancreas and liver issues on occasion. I also just had to get a big sturdy kennel to keep him in when I am at work because just this week he tried to chew through one of the wooden doors in my flat in my absence.
He never destroyed anything in the house, not even way back when I first got him, so this is obviously dementia brain rot behavior.
From here on out I pretty much want to develop my aeromorph cast more, especially their humans forms, the story, and maybe even breach into animation.
I'm learning how to use Spine 2D at work, so there is that. I'm also breaching into Blender and would love to make 3D models of them, but 3D is hard man, so much technical stuff. I'm still such an uber noob. But you know what they say; practise makes perfect - or as close to perfection as one can get (... which is 'never truly', let's be real lol. But it's still worth making an effort)
I would also like to do more studies again. I feel like my art is really lacking lately, and my anatomy feels stale and stiff, and even my palettes seem to degrade now and I just know it's because I hardly draw anymore. Even at work it's mostly just editing and pixel pushing.
Plus I lowkey feel like completely re-inventing my art style. Maybe try new brushes, move away from the semi-realism or smth. There are so many cool and unique styles ones out there, and I always feel like mine's just not rly standing out against all of that. Like, my art is not bad, but it isn't amazing, either. It could be a lot better if I took the time to actually work on it and refine it more.
I would love to maybe go into the direction of Leyendecker, I always appreciated the man's values and blocky-ish shading. Or maybe Steve Purcell, which has been a long-time favorite, too.
Okay, that's enough brainsoup for now :V
Catch you guys later or smth